So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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