operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
