So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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