Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize