I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
