you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
