based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
