I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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