you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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