can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
