don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
