I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
