Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
