as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So vagazzling was a success
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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