I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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