we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
