I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize