I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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