Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
