i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
