At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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