the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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