I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
