you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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