i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize