We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize