Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
