That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
