Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
