I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
