If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
