I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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