Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize