Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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