I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize