Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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