The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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