tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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