Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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