Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
