This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
