This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
