she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
