This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
