No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
