An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize