the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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