I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can't special order awesome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
