When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
