I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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