Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
