Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
