Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
