Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize