Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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