what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
