Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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