The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
