did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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