Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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