If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
