Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
