i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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