I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
