I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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