he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
