she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize