I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
