I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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