I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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