Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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