I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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