Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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