I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
