I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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