one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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