this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize