Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
