I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize