I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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