Buhtt sex?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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