Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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