what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
