Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
