it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize