So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize