I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i barfeds in our rink
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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