You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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