Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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