During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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