you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We are all done wearing pants today
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
