You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
