I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
