i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
