just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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