I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
