i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
